If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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