def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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