dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
