Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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