Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
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