I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
