I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Less talking, more tequila
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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