I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
