He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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