Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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