WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
