You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
