Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize