Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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