he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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