I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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