I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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