I murdered the dance floor call the cops
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
