im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
