We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
