Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
