I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
