I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
