Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
