just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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