what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
