i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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