I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
