My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
