I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
