I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
