So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
