And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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