I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
