Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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