Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
