They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
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a queef is a wish your heart makes.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
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