Jerry, you need to find god
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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