I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
