i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
