if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
