Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
