i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
