the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
