you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
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He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
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In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
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