He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
