He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
