Where is the hickey?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Randomize
