My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
