Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
