Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
