I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
