Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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