well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
