hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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