I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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