no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Blood and glitter go together right?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
