i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
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I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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