at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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