We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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