My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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