I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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