i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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