Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
