I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
