Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
