I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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