I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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