He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Someone came in the potted fern
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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