Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
