You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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