Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
