we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Redeem this text for a blowjob
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
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