Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
