You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
