she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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