After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
