dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
