it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
