Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
