we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize